Burning Ashes
by The Creepy-Psycho-Loner
Summary: A series of stand-alone oneshots dedicated to the hotheaded turtle, Raphael.
1. Promise

**Burning Ashes: Promise** By The Creepy-Psycho-Loner.

**Disclaimer**: All characters, Places, etcetera are not owned by me. I simply do the plot

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I sat up on my bed, panting with red eyes.

I was horrified. I felt as if the world had stopped, turned upside down, and twisted itself like an empty bottle. It was like a tight feeling in the pit of my stomach and slowly it made a dreadful nest inside my heart. I couldn't think straight. It hindered my ability to function properly altogether. It felt like my body rebelled against my brain. Like I was becoming a vegetable.

Then, in a eye's blink, I was sobbing in my arms uncontrollably. When I calmed down some, everything was mixed up.

The world just kept blurring. My room and everything in it swirled into one entity.

"Raph? Are you okay?" I blinked until I saw a watercolored version of my older brother, Leonardo. I didn't know what to do after that. Everything was just so god damn overwhelming. I failed my oldest brother and then...

...and then I knew that it was just a dream. I rubbed my eyes feverishly. I felt like an idiot. Getting worked up over a damn dream. I looked up at my brother. He still looked concerned.

"Raph?"

"M'fine," I answered quickly. I wished he'd just leave and not speak a word of it. He frowned as he sat on my bed and watched me. I looked into his eyes, they were a dark charcoal color. They were squinted and focusing on me.

It reminded me of my nightmare. How he looked so lost and unseeing. Focusing on me with anguish. No... no.

It wasn't real, damn it! It wasn't real!

The world blurred once again. I looked away from my brother; he couldn't see me like this. So weak and emotional. He'd laugh and taunt me. Tell me that real ninjas don't cry over a measly dream.

I felt arms around me. I felt my head against a chest. Leo pulled me into a hug. I felt how warm he was and then I thought about how cold he looked.

We stayed like that for a few minutes, neither of us were saying anything.

"Raphael. I never ridiculed you in any harmful way nor do I plan to do so in the future. It's okay to cry. We all do." I heard him tell me.

We all do.

"You don' cry! Real ninjas don' cry!" I spat, my words sour and venomous. I couldn't tell whether he was shocked or was agreeing.

"If that's so, then I'm most certainly not a 'real ninja.'" I was bewildered. Leo and crying?

"Yea fuckin' right." I heard him sigh in underlying aspiration.

"Raph. Remember when you got that head cold?"

"Yea." That shit hurt. I don't remember much of it but the times that I was conscious, the headache I had was like sitting in a room with Leo, with a hangover, after been gone for a week. True story, too.

"We thought we were going to lose you. I couldn't bear the thought of one of my brothers dying. So I cried because there was nothing I could do or say that would've saved you. I felt weak and vulnerable. I..." Leo trailed off. I was speechless. I didn't know that Leo was like this.

I mean, I knew he was an overprotective mother hen. I knew he could get stressed out a lot. I even knew he had a temper worst than mine.

But this... this self blaming Leo was new.

"Why aintcha tell me a dis soona'?" Leo kept quiet. Quite frankly, it was starting to piss me off.

"Leo. Why you blamin' yaself for dat. Dat was ma fault." I tried to reassure him; tell him he didn't have to feel guilty but he kept shaking his head.

"I'm your leader. You're my responsibility."

"I aintcha responsibility. I'm damn near 21!" I felt something wet falling on my head. Leo wiped it off. No, he wasn't cryin'. He's too strong for that. I heard him let loose a shakey breath.

"Raphie." That caught my attention. "You almost died. Died."

"I understa-"

"No you don't! You don't know the feeling of dread where you are just waiting for someone to die. For someone to take their last breath and for the heart monitor to make it's decent and never 'beep' again."

I couldn't do, think, or say anything. I just sat there in my brother's hug.

"I'm sorry. I just-"

"Nah. It's okay..."

I didn't know until then that my actions did have consequences. It was horrible to see my oldest brother like that. I hurt the guy I looked up to.

"I'm sorry Leo. I promise dat next time i'll think before I do. I wont be impulsive no more."

Yeah, that sounded right.

I never wanted to hurt the people I loved. I made a promise to Leo that day and I'll keep it next time. I'll keep it forever.

"I love you, Raph."

"I love ya too, Leo." And I meant it.

I promise.


	2. Mature

**Burning Ashes: Mature** by The Creepy-Psycho-Loner.

**Disclaimer**: All characters, Places, etcetera are not owned by me. I simply do the plot

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It was weird. One day Mikey was himself and the next, he grew up. Of course we wanted him to for so painstakingly long but we grew accustomed to his ways. To his antics, pranks, jokes... to his smile. Mikey was sometimes so childish that he almost got his head cut off in battle. We've always been so overprotective of him because of this reason. But I guess we don't have to anymore, huh?

I know for a dead fact that Mikey is still happy but I don't think we are. It's so unnatural, unbelievable, and surreal. I remember the day we all grew up, one by one.

Leo's always been the older one, the most mature. He fully grew up, when he was 10. Assigned the lifelong leader of our clan. That was the day he became obsessed with protecting us. Practicing nonstop, staying strictly upon a schedule, and if one thing (no matter how trivial) were to go astray from his vision, he'd die. He'd rage. He'd fall into a brooding depression until he was convinced that it was his fault and said problem was fixed. The day Leo grew up, he became self-loathing.

I grew up after, when I was 12. Honestly, I'm not sure why I grew up. I remember being angry with everyone, the world. I'd get enraged when Leo did something better than me. If he'd perform a kata flawlessly, I'd try my hardest to do it better, only to make a fool of myself in the end. Leo's been doing katas for years straight and I expected to magically become the better brother. The day I grew up, I became arrogant.

Don grew up when we were 14. His was a lot more obvious. He said he preferred to be called Don because Donnie sounded like a childish nickname. He read books that challenged him. He tinkered relentlessly at the technology in the lair. He refused to play with Mike. Don said he'd preferred to be left alone, that he had no time to play with Mikey because he was too childlike and childlike people are unimportant. The day Don grew up, he became distant.

And it took 19 years for Mikey to finally grow up. If it were possible, I would make sure Mikey never grew up...

Because I am terrified of what sickness adulthood may bestow upon him.


End file.
